Alphabetterment
Values A, B and C
[Hum to the tune of the alphabet song] “A-B-C-D-E-F-G. Loving values set us free.”
Welcome to Alphabetterment, English Edition, where we look at some of the subtle and overt value decisions we make from moment to moment. While perusing this grouping over the coming weeks, please consider the following word pairs as opposite ends of a spectrum rather than binary decisions. Also, I claim no mastery of these values — only that they’re useful lenses for more just and harmonious decision-making.
Acceptance or Assertion
As we all know, one of the single most challenging things to do in life is to be with what is. It’s so tempting to “control the narrative” about what’s going on personally, locally or globally. But, much as we want to experience and describe life according to our ideals, “should” and “shouldn’t” do little to help cope with is-ness.
As someone who constantly evaluates how systems can be improved, I would like to change many things about myself and the world. But I can’t be an effective changemaker without first acknowledging reality. So I try and understand things as they are, including opposing views and my own contradictions, before exploring the reasons I want change. Only then can change happen from a deep, meaningful place. Assertion, by contrast, is a confrontational approach I prefer to avoid. It’s a layer of loudness that clouds reality and rarely acknowledges other viewpoints or opportunities for change.
Bravery or Bravado
Sometimes, it feels like the bravest thing to do is to get up in the morning. Each day has its challenges — some large, some small, some easy to overcome and some seemingly insurmountable. How we deal with them can vary just as much as the challenges themselves. So each of us only takes on what we can handle in the moment.
No matter the size, type or duration of a challenge, I like the idea of meeting it with confident humility. Sounds like an oxymoron, but that’s how I envision bravery — knowing there’s a risk of failure and attempting the challenge anyway. When I succeed, it’s equally important to acknowledge the support I’ve had, because no one faces challenges without some degree of assistance. The trouble is when bravery veers into bravado, especially after “a win.” Though it’s often a fine line, the difference between the two is in the effects — bravery inspires and bravado isolates and disempowers.
Compassion or Coercion
While there are many ways to make an argument or a sale, the best approaches are persuasive, not manipulative. Persuasion is a compassionate approach that acknowledges the part of a person that wants what you are offering, respects their intelligence and circumstances, and gives them space to arrive at a decision. Manipulation, or coercion, is a forceful approach that relies on dominating a person. It strips away their ability to make a beneficial decision, and often results in resentment or anger. Simply put, one approach is ethical, and the other is not.
As someone in the communications field, I find this distinction incredibly important — whether writing proposals, participating in meetings or copywriting. In whatever form it takes, language at its best is a sacred agreement between parties that brings people together through mutual respect. Yes, even in advertising.
